Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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