Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
