why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
