there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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