she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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