I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
