My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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