I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
