he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I met the friendliest cop last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
