Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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