moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
