You made me cry and you don't even care
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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