Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
