shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
