well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
