you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
