can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
worst night to have a conscience
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
