Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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