last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
