If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
