we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
