Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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