I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
