my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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