If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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