He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
