tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
