Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
