very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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