they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
