Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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