I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
