Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
