in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
