just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
