yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
