I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's blow job season.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
