Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
