I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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