apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
