Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
