Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
