Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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