At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
