It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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