When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
