he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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