I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
