...so i touched it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
