would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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