I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
