the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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