As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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