I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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