i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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