Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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