she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There r osticjed everywhere
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
