I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
