It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
